currently writing this post on the balcony of the hotel in pattaya with people singing so loudly in the background. but hey, i’m not complaining because other than that, everything is just…quite and calm. something i haven’t really experienced in awhile. 

it weird how i wished that i could travel and feel this on a monthly basis, it would be great. i mean, just think of it this way, its a time to get away from all the distractions and stress, all the unhappiness and all the people you don’t want to see. just for a short weekend getaway, its always enough. but it costs a lot, which is another story. but hey, we can all dream and want something, no? 

its not like no one likes going to new places to visit, see, and hold on to the peacefulness at night, in a different environment. maybe it is just me, but i feel that for every country i go to, the night’s atmosphere is always different. and when its different, i guess my thoughts and feeling safe different too. 

its times like this that i treasure most, the feeling of being alone, the feeling of just…feeling. i guess its because i seldom speak about the way i feel, so its the quietness, the loneliness that i kind of, in a way find myself and think about life. i like how i choose a random playlist and just listen to the words, understand, and let it all sink in. yeah…life can be really boring for me sometimes. 

i have to thank my parents for this, but then again, i still would want to go on trips on my own, see the world, do what i want to do. explore, go on an adventure and send post cards home. pretty sad that this is only gonna happen now, and after saturday, its back to reality. the sad and cold reality, but i guess its gonna be slitty better because its the holidays. 

and its times like this that i think of all the mess i have mad to my life. all the stupid decisions, all the things i want to change. i guess it still hits me once in a while that the negativity is so strong, just like today. my very already non-existent self-esteem that has plunged even lower than it already is. 

but then again, its just one of those bad days, so after sleeping it through and when the sun rises again, everything would get better, i hope. 


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