negativity

its just one of those days again.

where everything just sucks so much all you want to do is just get away from people and comments and just shut your brain down.

today is indeed not a good day, with withdrawal symptoms from gentle bones last night (who are really amazing) and tons of unneeded and negative comments all throughout the day.

it sucks a lot to know that people always only go for the looks, talents and intelligence. its sad that no matter how hard some of us try, we just cannot get there.

and it also sucks that my mom just doesn’t trust me, she makes me doubt my future, the path i am going to take. and especially, myself. i know what i want, i know what i am capable of. i know you want the best for me, i understand that. but you have to know that i know myself better than you do.

its funny how people think they know me, truth is, only a few people actually does. to be really honest, i am not sorry for telling my parents or family for this matter anything. i want to plan my own life, i am not following a very stereotypical asian path to do well and to have the typical high paying job everyone wants. no, i don’t want that because i know i cannot do it.

i am really sorry that i am no where near the path you have so hard try to put me on. i am not going to take the safe side, i am not going to walk down the path that every parents ( well, most) set out for their child. you have your first born to do that for you, just watch me save and earn money to be the independent person that i would want to be, and be able to manage myself.

i don’t care if you do not support me, and not that i am that bit surprise if you don’t. i will do it myself and i am sure to prove you wrong.

i know my parents want the best for me, but the best for me is not sitting down or helping in church. you want me to be happy, let me do what i want to do. but i guess it doesn’t matter anymore because i am going to do whatever i want, no one is going to hold me down. i know my limits, i know what i am to follow and what i am going and can break.

” strength to survive and courage to live”

having strength is not enough, having strength would not get me anywhere i want to be. having strength to survive is only to play on the safe side.

not anymore, watch me just slowly build my courage, and one day, leave this place to do what i want that makes me feel that i am living instead of just trying to survive during outbreaks of emotions and thoughts where you guys would never know and just think that i am happy with whatever comes at me.

just watch me prove you guys wrong.

just watch me leave to do what i want, and there would be nothing you can do to stop me.

just wait and watch.

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