its no surprise that i have gotten myself a second ink. i mean, whats the difference? i’m just expressing myself,no? then why can people pierce everywhere, dye their hair, shop till they drop and style their hair whatever they want it to look like, and they are then considered expressing themselves?
firstly, i don’t shop a lot, i am not allowed to dye my hair, get extra piercings, get certain hair styles, etc. so what is another way of expressing my feelings and thoughts, and that is tattoos.
lets just say that i don’t have a good sense of style, i don’t know what works with what, i don’t like complicated, i like simple. i sometimes don’t know how to express my feelings and thoughts into words. i don’t know how i can express myself sometimes. and some scars, wounds and thoughts just cannot be put into words, as much as we try our best to explain it to someone, talk it out, the feeling never goes away.
i would like to think that i don’t need to explain to people what my tattoos mean, i get it because i have my reasons, as a reminder most of the time. i don’t really see a problem in having tattoos to be really honest, its just another form of expressing one self. to be very honest, i don’t know why people make such a big deal out of it.
one thing i would never understand is why i can’t do something, but if others do it, its perfectly normal. its weird how i get that vibe off people. example, my sister. her friends can get piercings everywhere, and when i only want a second one, she says its ugly. like…whats going on?!
i know people mean well when they tell me not to go overboard, i know my limits. thank you for caring. but all i ask is respect my decisions. maybe, just maybe, subconsciously, as i get a tattoo, part of me might just be mended, and subconsciously, i might change too. but the worst part is knowing that i have changed, yes, but people’s judgement of me also changes.
just to begin with, i was never the most outspoken person, and to be honest, i found it hard to express myself. its funny because usually people from an all girl’s school are able to express themselves well. not for me, that is. i already found myself different from girls in my class to begin with. i wasn’t liking the things they did, and didn’t like doing the things they do. and it lasted for 4 years, how in the right mind would i be able to express myself when all i get are just comments telling my that the things i do are weird?
everyone has that output, i do, i have a few. but sometimes, like i said, the feelings just don’t go away. and to be very honest, it sucks. i had no idea how i was to meet new people, and lets just say i was a really awkward person.
getting a tattoo was something i have wanted to do for a long time, i’ve always wanted my operation date inked, because that was the time i wanted to remember about the faith i had, i believe in god and prayed that i would be just fine, surrendering everything to him. but slowly, i found myself slipping away, and so i always want to remind myself that have that faith i had that year. i’ve also gotten my name’s meaning in greek ; patricia: noble and jayden: thankful. i wanted to live up to the qualities my parents have blessed me with, being noble and live up to the quality i have set myself up, to be thankful for everything and everyone around me.
my second tattoo is a reminder of dad. no, he isn’t gone. but i want to remind myself to posses the strength, physically, mentally and emotionally and courage he has to do everything and anything. getting this tattoo has helped me close many door, because i actually know that i can do it, by learning though my dad.
they may seem like just pictures and words to you, but to me, they have a whole meaning behind that.
and then, i said this before, and i will say this again : inked or not i do not change, but your perception of me did