water colour

it has been too long since i last wrote something here.

truthfully, it is not that i have been lazy, but that i have found another outlet to pen my life on. and that has been another account on instagram that has been on my phone. and throughout this period of time, i realized, that i have a lot less friends that i think i have.

coming up to poly and starting school, i never really let people into my life. until i join the track and field here. it has got to be one of the best decision in my life. i have met a large bunch of people that is essentially my support in running. no regrets, at all.

that aside, i have finally told some people i hold closest to, the reason why i ended things. have not felt that free since a long time, and it sure feels great. it feels like i’m living a new life, and my vulnerabilities and insecurities has brought me closer, and i a, sure happier because i know that i am not alone. it has been pretty bad for the past few years not tapping into that dark part in my life, but now, it doesn’t matter anymore.

lately, the mother is back at it again, indirectly comparing me with the sister. it sucks big time, and it feels terrible. i shouldn’t be surprised actually. when i brought some trackers home to have fun, mom and dad had quite an impression on them. not funny, because i got lectured about trusting and choosing my friends right. and how poly kids are just a bad influence to me. it is unfair that how i always talk about my friends to the parents and i actually do understand them , but the mother still does not trust me with them. i mean, to be honest, i don’t blame them. but do you really need to judge my friends to such a point where you make such wrong accusations on them? that is the thing i don’t understand. you guys tell me not to judge people, but it is perfectly alright when you adults do it, and your reason, because its for my own good. if it is for my safety and own good, i would have already been judging all your friends as well.

what makes things even worst, because the sister has a boyfriend, and his parents can send her home, it is alright that they hang out late at night if they are together. and the parents tend to trust his parents even though they have not even ever met before. funny how the world is. whoever my sister trusts, it is alright. whoever i trust, my mother questions. all she thinks about me is that i have no focus and all i do is play. no matter how hard i try to prove her wrong, nothing works. life is really unfair like that.

anyways, even though i would not have the support i have at home, i have other people that i can count on, and that is a better blessing than anything else. just blessed that i have a small group of friends, but all of us are tight enough, and that is good enough for me.

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